Phil Donahue or Phil Robertson?

Being a Man is Hard.

I doubt there’s a man alive who would disagree with that statement. We all understand the laundry list of expectations different people and groups have for us. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being held to a high standard, but it’s tough when so many of the expectations contradict one another.


  • Sensitive
  • Tough
  • Talk
  • Listen
  • Weekly schedule:Spend 40 hours with wife, 40 hours with kids, 60 hours at work to make as much money as possible, go to the gym 7 days a week, be spiritual leader of household but don’t take the time to be trained how.
  • Take chances
  • Never fail

Let me make this simple, is a man supposed to be more Phil Donahue or Phil Robertson?


phil robertson

phil donahue






There has never been and never will be a man who could possibly live up to those expectations. But the pressure on men to be all things to all people is immense. When a man starts to bend under that pressure he develops fears and starts to believe lies.

Top 6 Fears of Men

  1. Someone will leave me
  2. I am disappointing someone
  3. Failure
  4. Someone will reveal I’m an imposter
  5. Asking for help
  6. Losing respect

And the 6 Lies Men Believe:

  1. I don’t have what it takes
  2. I can do this and no one will know
  3. I can’t be honest about that
  4. I’m the only one who has ever struggled with this
  5. I can’t recover from that
  6. I can’t be the spiritual leader of my home

When you think about it, it’s no surprise so many men are wandering around not knowing what to do next. Asking questions like:

  • What manhood measuring stick do I follow?
  • What men do I emulate?
  • How do I live like a man on a daily basis?

But because answering these questions was too hard, or you’ve been too embarrassed to admit you need help, or you’ve tried a bunch of stuff that hasn’t worked. Whatever the reason, the result was the same: You just gave up. You decided being a man is too hard, so you just quit.

And that’s where the trouble started.

When guys quit trying to become a man, a lot of bad stuff happens. Two examples are online porn and video games. Guys get addicted because in those two worlds guys can control everything. There’s nothing to figure out past learning what buttons to push and which websites to visit. Fake love. Fake war. They get to experience the hard-wired needs every man has without any messy relationships or risk of injury.

But you can’t hide in the pretend world of video games and online porn forever. So, every guy has to figure out how to be a man.

So what’s the Answer?

I’ve been on quest for the last 10 years to answer that question. I also wanted to develop a code or plan any guy could follow to become the man he wants to be.

I’ve finally got it right. It’s based on triangles.

Why a triangle? Triangles represent strength. Train trestles, bridges and the roofs of average houses are all based on triangles because of their ability to carry immense loads. That’s what you and I have to develop as men, the ability to carry immense loads of responsibilities

What is it? Let me put it in a Twitter sized chunk:

The Modern Southern Gentleman Code is the Skills a guy must have to execute the Missions assigned to him as a man in all three Zones of his life.

In the coming weeks we’re going to dive down into each topic, but to get started I’ll give you a quick hit on each one.


The ability to do something that comes from training. Don’t worry if you don’t have them, you can learn them.

Wisdom-Knowing the What? So What? and Now What? for a given situation.
Discipline-Doing what’s right, even when it’s hard.
Good Judgement- Knowing which fork in the road to take.


What you were put on this earth to do and gives you the most satisfaction.

Provider- Supply the resources and support those in your life need to be successful
Warrior- Protect those who cannot protect themselves
Guide-Pass on what experience has taught you.


The organizational buckets of man’s life.

Personal- Your health, finances, education, car, house, etc
Relationships-Spouse, parent, friend, co-worker, neighbor
Work- How to get a job, how to keep a job, how to get promoted

If you struggle with one of the fears or believe one of the lies, I’ve got good news for; you and I are going to face them. Together. Over the next few weeks, I’m going to show you how to incorporate each of the triangles into your life, and along the way, you’ll begin to become the man you’ve always wanted to be.

Then after you get your life together, you’ll help other guys do the same thing you did. And before you know it, there will be an army of us out there changing the world.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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