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Jan 30 2012
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Knowing

Knowing

Ask any group of guys to talk about their biggest mistake, worst investment or greatest regret and you better find a comfortable chair and a good cup of coffee. Every guy has a long list that they sort of mentally carry around and review from time to time and inevitably they’ll say “If only I had known then what I know now…..” It’s easy to see what you should have done when you’re looking in the rearview mirror but you can’t and that’s why men must develop wisdom.

Wisdom is what keeps you from marring the wrong woman, taking that job or investing that money before you do it. When you have wisdom, you live a life with very few regrets. Wise people see the same thing in the windshield as they do the rearview mirror.

The question is “what is wisdom”? It’s actually kind of hard to define but here are three common definitions.

  • The first is age but just because you made it to 65 doesn’t automatically mean you’re wise.
  • The second is intelligence but there are tons of very smart people who no one would mistake for being wise.
  • The third is education but just because you’ve got  BS, MA, PhD and other kinds of letters after your name doesn’t guarantee that you’re wise

While none of these make you wise on their own, all three are often found in wise people. The reason is found in a great statement from the book of Proverbs on how to gain wisdom, “Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life.” So age does matter, especially when it comes to who you take advice from. the more instruction part is getting more education and the combination of advice and instruction equals smart.

That’s how you become wise but we still haven’t defined wisdom. Especially defining wisdom in just a few, memorable words that boys trying to become men can use as a daily filter to help direct their lives. Here it is:

Wisdom is knowing what’s right and how to do it.

Just to be clear what’s right = what God says is right, because that is the only reliable standard.

That’s wisdom in a nutshell. A really simple sentence that applies to your job, marriage, parenting, hobbies,  choice of friends, where you live, well you get the idea. Knowing what’s right and how to do it is really what separates the men from the boys.

Jan 17 2012
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Choosing, Doing, Knowing

Building Men

When it comes to figuring how to move from being a boy to a man or even from being a boy who can shave to a real man, there have been tons of books written but all of them are full of complicated formulas or long lists of things to do. This means that almost every male will never remember them and probably won’t read past page 25.

I’ve been thinking, reading, and studying about this process for a lot of years and have finally broken it down into three elements of being a man: Wisdom, Discipline, and Good Judgment. These three come a verse in the ultimate training manual for men, Proverbs, “Get the truth and never sell it;  also get wisdom, discipline, and good judgment.” Mastering these three elements will get you over the hump and into manhood, but the first question is what do those things really mean and how do you do them? I’ve been trying to come up with simple definitions that also give directions for the “how”. Here’s what I’ve got:

Wisdom is Knowing What’s Right And How To Do It

Discipline is Doing What’s Right, Even When It’s Hard

Good Judgment is Choosing What’s Right, Even When Something Else Looks Better

Or you can just remember three words and live every moment of every day with them in mind: KNOWING, DOING, & CHOOSING.

That’s it. Simple right? Well simple to remember, but you’ll spend the rest of your life reorienting your job, relationships, finances, hobbies and everything else to them. Hard to do but the payoff is worth it.

Over the next several days I’m going to write a post on each one to get you started.

Oct 05 2011
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Knowing

The Lost Art of Mentoring

There’s an old saying that says that life is a tough teacher, it gives the test first and the lesson afterwards. That’s really an accurate statement but the good news is a man doesn’t have to live like that. You don’t have to make all every mistakes.

A shortcut that you can take is to get a mentor. Men who have already been where you’re going and who can help you avoid the land mines. Rick Warren put it this way, “While it’s wise to learn from experience, it’s wiser to learn from the experience of others.”

There are tons of men who would love to help you. They’d be willing to sit down with you on a regular basis and just tell you all the mistakes they’ve made. Why? Because the kind of men that make good mentors don’t want other men to have to make the same mistakes they did. Good men love to see other men win.

How to find a Mentor

1. Find someone you want to be like

Not just a guy who has a job that you want but someone with the character traits you want. Study him to make sure he’s the real deal.This probably won’t happen overnight, it will probably take time.

2. Meet with him

The first meeting is not when you ask him to be your mentor. Instead meet him for coffee or lunch, keep it less than hour and come prepared with questions.

3. Review the first meeting

Do you still want to learn from this guy? Was he all you thought he’d be? Did he seem interested? Was there any sort of connection with him? If there was, then go to the next step

4. Follow up

Email him thanking him for his time and ask to meet again. If he says yes, you’re on your way.

5. Go with the flow

You can’t force or manipulate a mentoring relationship. Mentoring is organic, so just go with the flow.

Don’t forget that technology has made so you don’t even have to sit in front of a guy to be mentored by him. You can be mentored by men by listening to podcasts, reading books and blogs

Once you’ve found your mentor, here’s how to get the most out of the relationship.

Do’s and Don’ts of Mentoring

1. Don’t be a wimp when you’re challenged

Remember, YOU asked for it, so suck it up. If you picked the right mentor, he’s doing it to help you get better.

2. Ask for more

Honor your mentor by always asking for as much as he’s willing to give. Don’t make him guess what you want to know.

3. Ask for feedback

Yes, it’s tough but it’s the best way for you to improve. It’s a sign that you’re growing

One More Thing

Don’t be just a taker, be a giver. You probably won’t believe this but there are guys YOU can mentor. Guys who would love to be able to spend an hour a month with you to learn what you know. So when you’re approached about being a mentor, say yes. Be confident that you really do have something to offer.

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